Funny Hair Stories: Momma Gets 'Ghetto' on an Old Feeble Stylist

Kassie writes...

My next-door neighbor had permed, silky, flowing fly hair. I decided I wanted to covet her hairstylist. She told me she went to Fantastic Sams and I was extremely surprised. I was skeptical, as a black girl should be when dealing with a chain salon, but I went.

This old white lady claimed to know how to do black hair. She was old, gray haired, tiny and very feeble looking. I was young, ignorant, naïve and feeble minded. So, I said ok. I sat down; she grabbed her jar of relaxer and immediately went to put it on my scalp. "WAIT A MINUTE SISTER!" I announced, "I am tender headed, we're going to need some base". "Base”, she said with a puzzled face. I know. So far, not so good. I explained to her that base is the petroleum jelly stuff that protects the scalp during a relaxer. "Oh" she says and we get back down to business.

She’s applying the relaxer, it’s gentle. Not a good sign. I'm use to pulling and turning and smoothing. It felt as if feathers were attacking my head. After about five minutes, she is ready to rinse it out. Now I didn’t know at the time that smoothing was the essential part of the relaxing process, so I didn’t stop her, but let a ‘sistah’ try to pull that one me now. Not happening! I digress. So, we are ready to rinse. I am feeling the preview of the relaxer, not good, I still feel poof. You know the feeling of heaviness on top of your head when you need a relaxer and then the lightness afterwards when you finally get the relaxer?

Next, to dry my hair she smoothes my hair down and puts it under the dryer. ALARM BELLS ARE SOUNDING OFF. "Wait a minute, ma'am you’re not going to give me a doobie, scratch that (now Kassie you know she don't know what that is, my sister in the corner snickers) a roller set and trim", I said. "That’ll be $15 extra for the roller set and $20 extra for the trim", she says. "In addition to the $35?" I steamed! Now this is 2001 when relaxer retouches cost $35-40 dollars. In the hood that meant the WORKS: trim, roller set, wrap, deep condition. I proceeded to explained this to her. Then I realized it was my fault. Why did I think it was ok to go to Fantastic Sams and have Grandma Moses do my hair? So, after deliberation and my Momma getting ghetto, we were refunded and banned from Fantastic Sams on 34th Street in St Pete, Florida forever. I told you my Momma got G H E T T O on them.