To be honest it kind of depresses me to know my hair will never look this good. It's like some sort of curse. I know this site is about bringing us as naturals up, but no matter what I do I still never feel pretty enough. There should really be like a natural hair therapist, because no white therapist or relaxed hair therapist would understand our insecurities.This comment was heartbreaking for me, but unfortunately it's all-too-common. Many women want to go natural (maybe already natural), have an appreciation for natural hair, but are insecure to wear their hair in a natural state. This is when it's important to be surrounded by other naturals to share experiences and trade tips. Therapy may help, but I think having some sort of support systems made up of natural/ naturally curly/high textured hair role models is more conducive to a positive self image.
Please Share ...
What helped you overcome your conditioning or is it still a challenge to see your hair as beautiful?
Is it necessary to have a natural hair therapist who is natural?
Do you have meet-ups in your city with other naturals, how can others join?
meetup.com has groups around the world that you can join. most major cities or markets have some kind of natural support group/meet up group listed and it's easy to sign up & start attending events.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, the issue may not just be the hair. There may be deeper issues that are subconscious. Reason being, that even though it is tough going natural and feeling accepted, I think at some point after reading blogs or watching vlogs, you should get to a point where your self confidence goes up and no one can take you down from that. Personally it was very hard for me at the beginning (been totally natural for almost 2yrs), but now I truly believe that my hair is not the only thing I have going for myself, and I am still beautiful on a bad hair day.
ReplyDeletewhen the rubber met the road, i finally had to accept 'me'. that this is how i look with the hair that God gave me.
ReplyDeleteit takes confidence to wear your hair in its natural state after decades of programming of thinking natural hair isn't attractive and the bombardment of resistance from family and friends not to let go of the creamy crack. but once i gained that confidence, the compliments started to fly my way. looking back at it now, i didn't receive compliments because i wasn't comfortable. i wasn't confident. if anything, i was ashamed. but girlie, when i rocked my curls and held my head high, the girls gotta lay on the alter and pray after i walk past, LOL.
yes, i played with a pj's delight of hair products until i found what worked for me and i fine-tuned my regimen to a handful of products. it took time to adjust. researching what is good and bad for our hair. but i did it and i can say i came out the other side victorious!
After four years of being natural, I got bored and frustrated with the notion that my hair would never have the curly look that I admired. It was always out of reach (pssh, the price of a silkener...!) one way or another.
ReplyDeleteWith this frustration, I permed my hair. Within a few weeks did my mistake hit me in the face, I realized what a mistake it was. My hair was shoulder length when straightened, and big and curly. I just never saw what I had, nor had I been told. Not that it was necessary for someone to bring me up all the time, but only after perming it did I get comments about how much my natural hair was missed and how big a mistake it was. And thus, I cut the permed hair and started over.
I think this issue is prevalent among many naturals, regardless of the texture. I think it's a personal battle, but support helps whether it's through a therapist or support group.
There may be deeper issues there. I must admit I have low self esteem and when I decided to go natural it kinda increased. I started getting a lot of negative comments about my hair from family and random strangers that it made me feel really bad about my apperance. I only know of one other natural woman that I talk to and she rocks her TWA and has no issues. I on the other hand struggle with my hair and how it looks. I worry that it doesn’t look like I think it should look. I start comparing my hair to others that I see on youtube or other hair blogs…its gets depressing sometimes cause my hair looks nothing like that and apparently no one close to me likes it so I have no support.
ReplyDeletehaving a support system of other naturals that you can talk to helps a whole lot. especially those that have the same texture. it can get a little depressing when most of the naturals that are celebrated have the looser curl pattern. so find someone that is close to your texture whether you are kinky, coily or curly so that you can share techniques and products that work best. its really kinda scary going natural because the norm for most black girls is to have your have permed from when you are a small girl. it ingrains in us that we have naturally is not pretty. i want to throw the term 'good hair' away for good. its so demeaning.
ReplyDeleteThis def saddens me, also. But I agree with above, its not just the hair, I think alot of the issues are self esteem issues in general, whether relaxed or not, and becoming natural just compounds them.
ReplyDeleteI have 4a hair but have seen naturals hair on you tube that I adore with from type 3 to type 4c. But I dont have *alot* of esteem issues (many of us have a little bit at times) so although my TWA looked a mess, I still rocked it as if it was hot ish.
I agree support is KEY but in the end its the mental part that we should work on improving, moreso than the hair.
I'm def glad this topic came up because I have been natural now for 1year and 4 months and I'm not feeling it right now.... I feel like family and some friends hate it so much that even when I feel I look my best, someone gives me a look that makes me feel insecure. I want to stay natural to prove to everyone that natural hair can look good but I feel like I'm failing. I'm even considering going back to a relaxer... The shrinkage, and dry look even when it's moisturized is irritating. But I still love my texture. I guess its a love hate relationship.
ReplyDeleteu know, i have been natural for 4 years, i did twa and realised i didnt have the curly mixed race textured hair thats thich instead my hair is the ver definition of 'nappy'. I cant get my hair to a state i wanted it and i gave up i have worn my hair in microbraids/extensions eversince my hair could be wrapped in extensions
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I would like to say that the sea of emotions flowing from me is absolutely endless...I'm a little teary eyed (seriously!). Speaking as someone who has transitioned three times, I'm proud to say that during that last transition, In December of 2008, I BC'ed haven't looked back for a year and a half.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely attest to the feelings of being odd, weird and the opposite of beautiful. It seems that when I was a young child I had all of the confidence in the world so in my adult years I would wonder, "How did I end up here?" Everyone thinks that they don't know why they feel all of these inadequate thoughts, but all they have to do is....Remember their childhood. Really, remember it; the things that perceive as good and the bad. Those things we saw and heard most often actually DID affect us. Since deciding to consistently wear my hair in it's "naturalness", (with the exception of occasional professional quality color and/or heat processing) I feel like my childhood confidence is back! I'm way more positive as a person, More productive in my life, and I have a whole new thought process. I truly believe that it was because I made a step to "Prove To Myself That I ACCEPT Myself"...That was it for me.
Is styling the issue? I notice that naturals that seek a 3b curl wear their hair loose. I notice that a lot of people don't like to wear twists or braids. Once those are ruled out it could become tough to wear a style, especially if the hair is not long enough.
ReplyDeleteI find nothing wrong with phony ponytails, wigs, half-wigs, using flat irons, or blow dryers, but not overdoing it, until the hair reaches a length that allows for more styling.
I'm almost always in a ponytail, made of twists, plaits, or loose hair. Although when I want a style, I blow dry, add a bit of shea butter, gel or foam, put my hair in bantu knots or rollers. It makes a heck of difference for styling.
It takes time to work in styles that will feel good and work. It's all trial and error.
I had long, THICK, and healthy relaxed hair, but I jumped on the natural band wagon and regret it-deeply. I now have braids and will probably relax or maybe texturize in a few months. I think natural hair is beautiful, but its not for everyone. Call me a self hater if you will, but life is to short to live uncomfortably and I feel comfortable and happy with my relaxed hair. Life is not about joining some band wagon but making the right choices for YOU.
ReplyDelete