Here are some examples of the negative statements some women tell themselves (and others) about what they don't want.
EXAMPLE:
THINGS I DON'T WANT
- I don't want to wear weaves to have fuller longer hair.
- I don't want to get relaxers.
- I don't want heat damage.
- I don't want to go to scissor happy stylist.
- I don't want people to judge me based on how I wear my hair.
- I don't want to spend a lot of money on products.
- I don't want to blend in with the crowd.
- I don't want to go through an awkward phase.
- I don't want to spend a lot of time doing my hair.
- I don't want split ends.
- I don't want excessive shedding or breakage.
Next, you change those negative statements into positive ones to create a list of things you do want. The idea is to spend very little energy on things that you don't want and to focus more on what you do want. This is a pivotal step in goal-setting.
EXAMPLE:
THINGS I WANT
- I want fuller longer hair.
- I want to rock my natural hair.
- I want to use little to no heat in my regimen.
- I want to retain maximum length.
- I want to use affordable products.
- I want people to admire my hair.
- I want my hair to help me stand out from the crowd.
- I want to have an easy transition.
- I want to spend very little time doing my hair.
- I want healthy ends.
- I want strong, resilient healthy hair.
Review this new list to remind you of your desires. You can even cross out some of the things as you achieve them or even add new things.
I love this blog but here is a friendly critique of this post. I type this with all due respect...I just found some things problematic.
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with "looking" Afrocentric? I'd rater look Afrocentric than Eurocentric as a woman of African descent. Also, why was "bohemian and Afrocentric" made to seem like it is the opposite of "chic". They are not mutually exclusive states of being.
Men rarely reject women on the basis of hair texture. If they do, you didn't need them anyway. Also, what self-respecting woman chooses her hairstyle so as to attract men.
Short hair does not equal looking like a "dude" or not being "feminine and sexy". You are perpetuating out-dated notions of gender and hairstyle that make women who want to BC feel uncomfortable in their skin. That's so not cool.
The negative statements are examples of what I've heard many women say about their hair: friends, family, readers, women in salons, etc. I'm not judging them. We all have negative thoughts. The point of the post is to help women take the focus of what they don't want and focus on what they do want. They are examples. I've made the post clearer so that no one else misunderstands it. It was meant to serve as a jumping off point to help women become conscious of their own negative statements.
ReplyDeleteBest
maneandchic,
ReplyDeleteThank you, I truly appreciate a blog that offers fly fashion, hair tips and deep (not superficial) personal growth advice. I wouldn't change a thing. You have fierce swag.
Love ya and keep doing the thang.
@Taravalo, Thank you. I really appreciate that you took the time to leave some positive energy. Peace.
ReplyDelete@fun times. I think that she is just offering a list of things that ladies do and do not want. of course some ladies don't care of their hair is afrocentric or not, but some do. Its a matter of personal preference. I think the importance of this post is getting the idea of goal setting and making them work positively in your favor.
ReplyDelete@mane and chic thanks for this post!
I think what funtimes is pointing out are some very disconcerting and degrading points of view that, as maneandchic has explained, are real things that real women say. However, maybe the issue is that restating these points of view without problematizing them (or judging them to a certain extent)almost seems as if you're validating them. I see both sides of the argument and I get that maneandchic is trying to be non-judgmental and unpolitical(this is a diverse and wide-reaching blog) however like the great Malcolm X said, "if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything." Anyhow, I love the blog and I love it even more for inspiring this conversation.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rachel.
ReplyDeleteIt's not my position, nor is it anyone else's, to judge or validate what other women think about themselves or want for themselves. Quite honestly, I don't have an opinion about what other women want/don't want especially when it has nothing to do with me. We can all want whatever we want. I do beleive that we all must strive to stop getting caught up in delivery and semantics and to focus more on the intent of the message.
The point of this post to help my readers who asked for it. Women who didn't beleive or know they were spending so much time concentrating on what they feared instead of spending the energy focusing on their desires. To clearly know what we want sometimes comes from a place of realizing and really telling the uncomfortable truth about what we don't want. If we are really telling the truth about our deepest fears and desires, however shallow, deep, self-hating, embarrassing or controversial they may be, who is anybody to judge anybody? If you're persecuting or judging a friend for being afraid of going natural because she is afraid of how society will perceive her, what good does that do? If you tell her that her thinking is wrong, what good does that do? The only way to cause effective inspiring change is to focus on the goal and not the fear -- that's the essence of this post.